Author: dogfightingdepression

The 14 Leadership Disciplines!

The 14 Leadership Disciplines!


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the 14 leadership disciplines, except this time in lower case

these 14 lighthouses will guide you home,

and keep your airspeed & momentum rockin’

all so you can thrive in <chaos@

<ambiguity…

<fea.r?!?

<envy>>>

<greed<<<

<rage>>><<<

<judgment<<<>>>

<hate00o

  1. JOY: always go straight to the very best in everything; go straight to the best in every single situation, go straight to the best in every single one you meet… including yourself!
    1. the hard part for me is looking for the best within myself & my work as well; so don’t forget to celebrate even your smallest-seeming wins, and do this every day as a gift to all of us, because there aren’t enough finish lines to sustain your energy on this long journey of life 
    1. Thucidydes “the secret to happiness is freedom, and the secret to freedom is courage” 
  2. ENTHUSIASM: focus all of your energy & your strength of will on whatever task you’re doing; besides it being the only way to consistently win, it shows respect to all present, and it is positively contagious! I am so corny with the exclamation points, I know, but trust me, this enthusiasm thing is magic. no punctuation necessary what
  3. TRUST: grant trust to others through giving them the exhilarating freedom of autonomous decision-making… remember it is always their choice to follow you or listen to what you’re teaching! to earn trust remember to enter Yoda’s C.A.I.V. of Fear with the courage to be>>>
    1. cleverly Consistent (a great leader/teacher never gets angry; always be patient with your students!)
    2. admirably Authentic (people won’t trust you if you’re pretentious or you think you’re ‘better’ than them),
    3. impressively & intentionally keepin’ watertight Integrity (always keep your thoughts+words+deeds tightly aligned!),
    4. valiantly, virtuously, & veraciously Vulnerable (remember being vulny is NOT equivalent to wack ass weakness, ‘gettin’ all vulny with it’ is a genuine way to be relatable; a genuine way to teach, lead, and talk to people as equals is to drop any ‘perfect’ facade and instead let them know your hard-earned lessons learned! they will be grateful, and you will be legit connected!)
  4. COURAGE: to ride the wind proudly, proclaiming your values, beliefs, and preferences for all to see & hear… the courage to be disliked, to be different, to take a stand for what you believe, to defend others, to make mistakes & keep learning, to fall explosively and pick yourself back up, to heal yourself, to heal others, to try something ADVENTUROUS!!! 
    1. “Life is either a daring adventure… or it is nothing” – Helen Keller
  5. ACCEPTANCE: ~~~surfers don’t yell at the waves for not waving~~~ they just laugh and go to another spot! And so we should learn from them and never get angry! Don’t get furious, get CURIOUS!
    1. Acceptance is a 3-tined-fork, very similar to the leadership discipline of JOY: seek to perpetually find acceptance for 3 things; <1> the situation, <2> yourself, and <3> everyone you encounter during the day!
    2. “Great leaders may have gruff, demanding, uncompromising exteriors, but deep down the greatest leaders have an UNQUALIFIED ACCEPTANCE & EMPATHY for their teams” – Robert Greenleaf, the Servant as Leader
    3. The highest forms of acceptance are: gratitude, patience, and FLEXIBILITY!
  6. FORGIVENESS: Toni Morrison says it best when she encourages all you land-locked, surface-dwellers: “if you wanna fly, you have to let go of the sh!t that weighs you down!” Seek to find instant forgiveness, for everyone, including yourself. You are going to make so many mistakes in this leadership game, you add so much unnecessary drag to your aircraft if you choose to carry grudges around with you everywhere. This includes grudges against yourself.
    1. Do everyone around you a giant favor and constantly remind yourself that people are generally doing their best
    2. accept them, flaws and all
    3. forgive them, (although this is more ‘for’ the ‘giver’, you!)
    4. teach them (if possible and appropriate),
    5. and then speak no more of it, and try your very best to do this entire forgiveness thing with enthusiasm!
  7. GENEROSITY: Aristotle discovered ‘DYNAMIS & ENERGEIA were the keys to a fulfilling life! I would have called bs, but I found the leadership discipline of generosity to be the only thing that would reliably bring me joy when I was homeless. So listen up haters, this isn’t just sunshine stuff. This is the real deal!
    1. DYNAMIS is the process of discovering your your unique skills, talents, & aptitudes, and this is a blast.
    2. ENERGEIA is the process of resourcefully and generously sharing your unique skills, talents, & aptitudes. I guess that is why he made such a big deal about finding out your unique skills, talents, & aptitudes…so you could use your unique skills, talents, & aptitudes (I promise I won’t say it again) to make the world a better place in a lasting way by creating systems!
  8. CREATIVITY: the ability to make something victorious, something impactful, something beautiful… out of whatever MacGyver stuff you happen to have laying around. “For the person with creative potential, there is no wholeness except in using it.” – Robert Greenleaf, The Servant as Leader
    1. IMPORTANT NOTE: everyone has creative potential… and this is a wonderful thing! please don’t ignore yours, as it is a powerful way to express yourself, a clever-mostly-ignored way to heal, and maybe most importantly a sublime way to discover SELF-AWARENESS…
  9. SELF-AWARENESS: maybe you’ve heard of Sun Tzu, my guy! He was talking about this SELF-AWARENESS thingie a looooong time ago, something about how ‘if you knew yourself and the enemy, in a thousand battles you’d never be defeated…’ …guess that sounds important then. Let’s study it, embrace it, and find out just how many seats it takes to fill Albert Hall. This is a Beatles joke, if you hate music, and don’t like the Beatles for some reason. It’s ok, I hated the Beatles forever, just because my Mom LOVED them when I was a little boy. Then I found a slice o’ self-awareness, and in the haze clearing clarity I found so many things and people and places and concepts that I LOVED… it gave me the airspeed & momentum I needed to finally break free of the black hole of 24/7 fear & anxiety. So ya know, maybe this one is important too.
    1. Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what it loves.” – Blaise Pascal.
    2. Take the time it takes to do this; discipline your mind every day. It matters. It will set you free in ways I can’t describe.
    3. Also check out the book The Four Fold Way by Angeles Arrien; it details the collective indigenous people of the world’s wise understanding of the four components of a powerful leader: the WARRIOR, the TEACHER, the HEALER, and the VISIONARY. Check this one out, trust me!
  10. INTUITION: can you imagine how phenomenal it feels to be so connected to your fighter jet that you can feel the wind buffeting against the wings, and you can spidey-sense what happens before it even happens? you can wear the mask too if you seek to master your profession, and it actually really doesn’t matter what the profession is, as long as you are dedicated to mastering it>>>> FOUR STEPS TO MASTERY OF ANY THING <<<<
    1. step 1: to MEMORIZE… if you don’t know the 14 leadership disciplines by heart, and if you can’t recite them while bouncing a tennis ball, then you don’t know them! The unrelenting chaotic moments are so quick and savage when they arrive, always helpfully unannounced; if you don’t know exactly where your instruments are in the dark, you are starting off at a severe disadvantage. And yes, I love semi-colons; and exclamation points. The more the better. So please stop messaging me about this, hah!
    2. step 2: to LEARN by DOING, with CURIOSITY + HUMILITY + ENTHUSIASM… experiment in the field, and get feedback from every source possible to consider a tweak!
    3. step 3: to TEACH courageously & creatively, with PATIENCE + HUMILITY + EMPATHY… crafting your own lightsaber… seek to explain all concepts 5 different ways, or you don’t really know how to teach it!
    4. step 4: to MASTER a thing is to EMBODY it… to be it! 
      1. “The most perfect technique is that which is not noticed at all!” – Pablo Casals
  11. VISION: i have discovered the best leaders are teachers & artists, creators & challengers, and they all continuously look to communicate their vision in more impactful ways*!
    1. * ways = that inspire & sustain the team’s energy & focus on long journeys.
  12. IMAGINATION: my guy Einstein was frequently found to be fond of saying that logic will take you from A to B, but IMAGINATION will take you everywhere!
    1. Charles Beaudelaire once also observed: genius is childhood recalled at will, finding a way to return to a state of mind that is temporarily open & free to any possibility!
    2. what this means is NOT breaking rules of safety to be a reckless renegade .. but recklessly breaking all ASSUMPTIONS when solving a problem…innovation requires an absence of fear and unproductive stress
    3. which is where the leadership & culture is so critical; it MUST BE OK TO MAKE MISTAKES (culture = courage + acceptance + forgiveness + empathy blend!)
  13. EMPATHY: life is a pleasant sea breeze when you leave everyone you encounter AT EASE with all the E’s
    1.  Encouraged, Empowered, & hopefully Enlightened!
    2. “being an ally means it is always OUR problem, and never THEIR problem!”
    1. Everyone is a genius, but judge a fish on ability to climb a tree & it will live its life believing it is stupid.” – Albert Einstein, >infinity looP intentional<
  14. WISDOM: the ability to be kind & generous with your unique gifts, to everyone you encounter, with no expectations in return, and no exceptions for anything! this is incredibly difficult to do, but rewarding like nothing you’ve ever experienced; always remember to do your checklist and perform your ICS CHECK (in the F-14 Tomcat this meant Intercom System Check, our internal radio communication between the RIO and the Pilot; this must occur before each & every flight!)
    1. Inner Conflict,
    2. current Scenario, or!
    3. Challenging Historical Experiences of Consequence (that sucK)
    4. none of these are valid excuses for being rude or aggressive with people; always seek to be genuinely kind & generous to everyone you encounter along the wacky & wild road of every day life.

I know these might seem over the top idealistic, especially to all the pessimists, but when you can truly-for-reelzies embody ANY of these, even for a second, your life will get so unexpectedly & shockingly suddenly beautiful, oh I can’t wait for you to find out for yourself.

Good hunting on your flight paths to all my fellow warriors, all my fellow teachers, all my fellow healers, and all my fellow visionaries, always love & respect to you, wherever you ride. As you travel, I hope these bring you the same insightful joy as they have me.

Forever your wingman, Dave

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Please Help Me Save One Life


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I need your help. Please. I don’t want to lose any more friends to suicide.

If you know any veterans, I am pleading with you to send this article to just one of them. They will know someone in trouble, almost certainly. I don’t want any money, I don’t want any publicity, I just really want you to pass this along. You never know who needs your help, so now I act as if everyone needs it. Thank you so much, Dave

ps: here is a link to a google doc of the first 14 mini-chapters of the book; the entire book is yours for free if you are in need, no questions asked.

DOGFIGHTING DEPRESSION, CHAPTER ONE

wtf happened bro?

you used to be so happy & cheerful…so full of life…?

I used to have an intense joy for living, an unrivaled enthusiasm, and a never-ending laugh.

But I returned home from my second combat cruise stuck in darkness. My body came home, but the rest of me was somewhere lost at sea.

I was the lone wolf. Hungry.

The wild card. Never satisfied unless the danger factor was maxed out.

Way too cool for your boring civilian life. No thanks.

“What do you mean Officer!? 100mph is still about 60 knots slower than my actual takeoff speed…duh…”

I had spit-with-disgust scorn for the slow-to-change, lazy, incompetent clueless people that surrounded me on all sides.

“I didn’t risk my life every day to come back and fill your stupid form out five different times! Get it together already!”

They didn’t have to do anything close to what we did. And why were they yelling at each other about petty nonsense all the time.

“Who is Kim Kardashian again, and tell me why she hates Taylor Swift?”

I couldn’t slow my mind down. Hyperaware of every little noise and motion, I’d call out tallies in the car “Rage 14, tally two, right two o’clock high” as I’d switch the air-conditioning to air-to-air combat mode.

Repressed rage bubbled lava-hot just below my pretend smiling exterior. I didn’t know what was happening to me, but I happily discovered that fiery anger trumped all other emotions. So what. Don’t judge me. It felt like a warm blanket, comforting and familiar. With rage on my side, and my rumbling machine speeding me past it all, I was invulnerable. Slowing down meant extreme pain, and certain death.

So I looked for any and everything to keep the airspeed up and the throttles mashed past the detent. Civilian afterburners baby.

I’d go all in on any poker hand, with or without the winning cards. I didn’t care. No one could match my raw aggression.“I’m tougher and braver than all of you combined. I see you blinking; now I own you.”

I’d start fights on the basketball court. “You call that a foul?! You’re a total #$$@!”

I’d drive like the wind everywhere I went; sometimes nitro-fueled with JP5 whiskey-propellant, outracing the darkness, invincible once again.

Windows full down, volume 11 up, screaming snarlingly violent lyrics at a stagnant, apathetic, purposeless world.

Every day blended into one another, I started talking to myself in the shower and washing my hands constantly as I raced to outfly the memories incessantly chasing me.

Anything to stop the noise, anything and everything.

Driving fast was my favorite instant remedy. I unleashed fury on hapless motorists with NASCAR worthy ‘rubbin’-is-racin’ close passes woven into tight traffic; with heavy black-carbon-gloved palm heels honking “get-the-f-outta-my-way-dummy;” with double-barreled middle-fingers flashing pure malice.

“Can’t we just have a left lane for awesome people, please? Where you need to take a test to qualify, or if you’re a fighter pilot you automatically get one in the mail, along with a sticker that says “I’m amazing, and you + your minivan suck.”

My special-order Virginia license plate translated to ‘I hate you and I’m better than you.’

If we were friends, squadron-mates, or if you IMMEDIATELY vacated the left lane for me to pass… I was the best wingman you could ask for.

BUT if I didn’t know you or immediately respect you, my scorn and poisonous disdain radiated outward viciously; kinda like the 9-inch-fingernail-daggers that scary lady throws at everyone in Thor: Ragnarok. Boy was she upset about something. Anyway, where was I. Oh yeah.

No patience.

No time for antics.

Just the mission.

But there was no mission.

I fell into the trap of believing I could fill the echoing emptiness with things; with more adventure, more danger, more chaos, more competition, and more fighting.

And I judged you. Harshly. As I judged myself. And hated myself. Intensely.

The flat spin became flatter and faster.

You needed to earn my love and respect, just as we had to earn our place in the military.

I was out of the military, but not.

My mind obsessed about every little mistake I had made on my last cruise. But there was no next cruise to continue to refine, improve, perfect. I was stuck on an endless infinity===loop.

WTF is happening to me.

The obsession to be the best of the best, to constantly thrive in danger and chaos, to compete with everyone mercilessly until I was the last man standing; my favorite characteristics that had made me victorious in a fighter squadron were now paralyzing me, crushing me in this incredibly mind-numbingly boring civilian world. But if one is good, aren’t two better? I doubled down on the intensity.

I was destroying myself from within.

My second combat deployment was the exact opposite of the rewarding and heroic first: long, dreary, and soul-sucking. Our new chest-constricting Rules of Engagement had tightened so chokingly that all we could do was drill random holes in the sky, and make a lot of ‘scary’ jet-noises in the futile attempt to keep our guys & gals on deck safe.

The bulkhead-banging frustration of not being able to help our troops in constant danger accumulated with the fatigue of long 7-hour night missions.

My oldest son had just been born before our ship went out to sea, and I was pissed.

Holding him in my arms as the bucolic sun set behind the trees in our backyard was beautiful; it was the first time I had ever felt the elusive ‘inner peace’ I had been searching for my entire life.

I stared at his cute, smart, little-guy face taped to the ceiling above my top bunk every night like mister-I’ve-lost-the-edge-Cougar, painfully counting the days until I could be with him again. I didn’t lose the edge; it was more than that. I had lost my will and desire and NEED to fight; obviously made worse by the crippling circumstances making us unnecessary high-priced assets, now turned liabilities.

Without naming names, we had some leadership and corruption issues on the boat; this compounded the situation even more. I had joined to be a hero; to save lives; to use my strength and wits to win, no matter what. To be with like-minded heroes who you could count on to fight until victory was earned. I didn’t join to play House of Cards: The Stupid Political Navy Edition.

When I got vertigo for the first time in the cloudy night skies of Iraq, I almost cockpit-face-planted our Tomcat into the fat Air Force tanker’s nose. Even worse, I felt afraid for the first time, and the shame and guilt of wanting to return to the boat stayed with me for 14 years before I had the courage to even speak of it.

But this nuclear-powered cocktail isn’t quite finished yet. Let’s sprinkle in some unresolved childhood issues: sexual + verbal abuse by older women that left me determined to never feel emotions again.

The correct emotions, and the acceptable emotions available to a hot-shot fighter pilot were: ecstasy, rage and boredom.

And I had those dialed in air-tight, 4 point-oh-sailor supreme. Who’s the good little midshipman. I lived and breathed what I did, because in order to be good at anything you need to go all-in.

As for all the rest of ‘the feels,’ as the kids say these days… well let’s say that outrun, outfly, outwit is a good summary of my overall emotional gameplan.

I believe that NOW we have the stage properly set for complete disaster.

You still with me?

Oh, I did forget one thing: I had internalized & adopted my New York City high school motto of “if you ain’t the best, you ain’t sh!t.”

Loosely translated from caveman, I didn’t think I was worthy of being loved or even being on the planet if I wasn’t number one.

This made arguing or contradicting me hell for my opponent. My only mission was to win, and while my quick comebacks were funny for some, they didn’t really endear me to most. Ah, now we are really ready for the final showdown; a righteous reckoning, I reckon.

Confidence feels great.

Cockiness feels even better.

But I selected the extended-stay, max-suffering option in downtown Cockyville and lost everything.

How? Why? It is the sneaky slow decay of discipline that’s required to continuously learn, to constantly debrief all of your actions, to aggressively learn from your mistakes; this slow decay eventually catches up to you, and when you need it the most, the muscle has atrophied. In order to adapt and thrive in chaos we MUST be dedicated to lifelong learning, to innovation, to flexibility, and to empathy.

With the decay of these principles came it’s stubborn cousin REPRESSION, and a powerful reluctance to turn and fight at the merge of unpleasant emotions and memories.

And so that’s exactly what happened. I sped away from my stinging past, 100% believing my new ‘just-trust-me’ winking tour-guide: blinding rage against the weak, touchy-feely-side-of-my-brain machine.

I chased the adrenaline, excitement, and danger train all the way until Divorce St. When I lost my relationship with my four beloved children, well, I wasn’t exactly about to get off the train then. I wasn’t aware of any other ways to solve the pain riddle; rage had been working so perfectly.

So I stormed up to the caboose or wherever the f the driver sits, and I sped that thing up even more. “This locomotive is now making only express stops,” I called out over the 1MC to no one in particular, and rode the lonely addiction monorail until the very. last. stop. You have to admire my determination, at least. Stick to it-iveness!

But what’s waiting for you at the last stop, you might wonder? Well, you’re about to find out. It isn’t pretty. But I’m determined to keep you from arriving. And if you’ve already disembarked onto shell-shock block, here’s a bit of good news: I’m your wingman that’s flying you outta here. Let’s rock.

https://dogfightingdepression.org/

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A Million Brave Wingmen Tears


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Woke up to a different sort of Memorial Day than I’d ever experienced. I woke up and wept.

In front of millions. Well, potentially millions, on my new pretend ocean aerie perch, mesmerized by the skyline ridge-hoppin’, ripplin’ & rockin’ half-masted flag. 

Standing alone and unafraid, just the two of us overachieving, just the earliest risers in the grey-misted, persistent Seattle sea winds, but just my brave tears came openly. Flag pole was playing it cool, for the moment. 

First on-deck were tears of guilt, the survivor’s kind, that I dismissed with a knowing nod and a smile, because I’ve kicked the ol’ rusty can down that sad road to nowhere before.

Second tears of memory came with a deep-bellied Santa laugh, because of my good buddy Puj; the very best pure-hearted, naturally heroic, boundless-positivity wingman a guy could ever ask for. 

A 100 % fully trained, officially Gold-Winged, United States Marine Corps fighter pilot, my buddy Puj would have known what to do, if only he was here. He would have immediately smiled broadly and patted me on the shoulder: 

“…so THIS is what’s gotten everyone so bent outta shape? All good PIRP, we will just adapt and overcome, just like we always do. Semper Gumby, always flexible, Dave! Piece. O’. Cake!”

Third came tears of understanding. Of acceptance. Tears of gratitude? Explain this, wtf. 

Because the front lines of this particular war, as Rage Against the Machine loves to snarl at its determined moshers, are now everywhere. 

Luckily for us, our nation’s tumultuous history is blessedly resplendent with the finest servant leaders you could ever imagine; people who somehow manage to focus externally on helping others, even when the bleakness itself is feeling kinda blue about stuff. 

But even better for us, this new crop of heroes we need to serve us once again are everywhere, raised by the beautiful communities that flourish quietly all across our country. Golden-hearted compassionate, raw-mountain strong, fast and flexibly innovative, they only lay dormant, not knowing they are needed, until we call out to them.

So I let out a deep breath, the tight-collar-choker one that had been worried: would this dreadful Era of the Corona showcase the very best of our teeter-tottering indomitable human spirit? 

While you’re thinking about that unnecessarily tangled thought-twister, we can bet ahead of time that it’ll surely spotlight the worst among us too. This is why we need our leaders to teach, and our teachers to lead.

So here is my call-out, the big throw of the switch on the Bat-signal, the all-hands-on-deck plea to our wonderful outliers, our tentative outsiders, our entire hidden gift uncanny X-Men crew watching from the sidelines. And to all the perfect people too, all the winners-at-life, all the bigger-than-you big-shots, we truly need the wisdom and the power of the crowd. Of every one. 

If you’re strong right now, you MUST lend your strength. We all need you. 

If you’re a leader, you MUST lead. We need your steady hand. 

If you’ve got anything good still left inside of you, and I’m confident you’ve got plenty, it’s never too late. We need what you’ve got. 

Ready? It is your time, to show us whatcha got. 

But in the meantime, just for today, let us please remember the very best of those who have come before us; and I would love to imagine the very best of them would be encouraging us to press onward, with strength, humor, compassion, teamwork, and respect. 

And of course, good ol’ fashioned ingenuity. We got this. 

So, piece O’ Cake, to all my new wingmen out there reading this, we got this, just like my brother Puj taught me. 

And love and respect forever, to all my countless fallen wingmen, who are all just like Puj.

We got this, because of what we’ve learned from you, because of what we’ve decided to become, because of you. In your memory, on this day, every year, we thank you for leading the way.